(no subject)

[doyle]

I flipped through Nancy Holder's new Buffy novel, Queen of the Slayers, in Waterstones today. I must own this book, and none of youse bitches can stop me, dammit.

Just in case anyone's wary of being spoiled:


There's some plot, but who cares. The main thing, the bit that I'd heard about but had to read for myself, is the part where Buffy holds hands with Spike and Angel and a mystical white light surrounds them and their daughter is created.

Yeah.

She has Angel's eyes and Spike's smile. And is a kick-ass Slayer. And she saves the world.

It's like the best bad fanfic ever, and it's available in paperback for me to love and cherish forever. Seriously, this has everything. It says Buffy, Angel and Spike are 'soulmates'. Seconds away from a fiery death after a bus crash, Buffy is glad to be dying because she'll see Spike again, and speculates that the flames are baking her cookie dough. The very last scene has Buffy pregnant with Spike and Angel's mystical baby. Oh, and I think I spotted Willow getting back together with Oz on my skim-through, as well as Andrew/Immortal subtext, but that's all incidental to the magic Mary Sue baby of canon OT3ness.

And I also have to pick up that Revenge of the Sith novelization where Palpatine asks Anakin if he loves Obi-Wan Kenobi more than his wife and there's a paragraph devoted to Obi Wan looking at Anakin's ass. Seriously.

Comments

[eliade.livejournal.com]

Seconds away from a fiery death after a bus crash, Buffy is glad to be dying because she'll see Spike again, and speculates that the flames are baking her cookie dough.

No. Fucking. Way. Please tell me you aren't serious. Or maybe, please do. Because I laugh and laugh.

[doyle_sb4.livejournal.com]

I could not make up something so cracktastic. Hang on, someone on liz_marcs' flist typed up that bit...

And maybe there was a small part of Buffy that welcomed death in the fire on the bus. A voice whispering about rest and welcome; and the chance to see Spike again, and make good on the words she had spoken to him in his last moments on this earth. The ones he had not believed. Maybe this fire was the literal baking of the cookie dough...

[lafemmedarla]

I still think it's wrong to have baby without pr0n involced :P. Specially when it could involve Buffy/Angel/Spike ;)

[doyle_sb4.livejournal.com]

I know, talk about your missed opportunities!

[evemac.livejournal.com]

and speculates that the flames are baking her cookie dough

*snorts* Was that part actually...written?

a paragraph devoted to Obi Wan looking at Anakin's ass. Seriously.

MUST BUY BOOK NOW.

[doyle_sb4.livejournal.com]

Supposedly every other page is about Anakin and Obi-Wan's True Love. And there's some Padme/Obi Wan subtext that greatly interests me too.

[maggiesox.livejournal.com]

The very last scene has Buffy pregnant with Spike and Angel's mystical baby.

You are LYING. Please tell me you're lying.

[doyle_sb4.livejournal.com]

I swear on my life. It doesn't actually say she's pregnant, but what with the mystical vision earlier of the girl who Buffy specifically identifies as Spike and Angel's daughter, and her "resting her hand on her lower abdomen" promising that she'll see them again...

[nymphgalatea.livejournal.com]

I am now dead from laughter. Buffy/Spike/Angel 4EVAR!!11!.

Is this one of those books written by someone who used to write fanfic online?

[doyle_sb4.livejournal.com]

Oh, she's written tons of Buffy books. Her last one had Connor has Buffy and Angel's love child (I think, I tend to skim in bookshops). She got a lot of flack for the B/A4eva! tone of that one, which she seems to have adjusted for by including schmoopy Spuffy in addition to the schmoopy B/A. ("They had fought so hard not to love, and then fought so hard to love, he and she...")

[juleskicks.livejournal.com]

Okay, so there's a part in the beginning where Buffy is possessed by a demon, right? A horrible demon that must create its Mary Sue spawn? Because wow. That's just...

Wow.

*cries*

[julia-here.livejournal.com]

Bless you for bringing this to my attention.

Both of those books look as if they'd be right at home in the Pit of Voles.

Julia, knew there was a reason I never read series novels

[manynames.livejournal.com]

I have got to buy this book like, yesterday. Seriously, that sounds absolutely and utterly godawful and I want it THIS MUCH.

[metalphoenix.livejournal.com]

No, no.. come on. This is just. Wow. *navigates over to Amazon*

[liz-marcs.livejournal.com]

DON'T DO IT!

WILL NO ONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

*snerk*

Holder=Patron Saint of Badficcers Everywhere

And proof that they, too, can get a book contract...

[taraljc.livejournal.com]

I think the part where no-one can stop thining about the children is the problem...

[julissak01.livejournal.com]

She has Angel's eyes and Spike's smile. And is a kick-ass Slayer. And she saves the world.

Bwahahahaha! ::cakcles madly:: Dude. It CAN'T get any better than that. It just... ::doesn't believe it::

there's a paragraph devoted to Obi Wan looking at Anakin's ass.

Hah! You have been drawn to the dark side! The Force of Anankin's "butt" is no match for even the strongest of individual.

[doyle_sb4.livejournal.com]

I have such a mental block in imagining Obi-Wan thinking the word 'butt'.

[kindkit.livejournal.com]

Dude. Does somebody go through the Pit of Voles looking for the very worst badfic and then inviting the authors to write it for pay? 'Cause that's what it sounds like.

[marenfic.livejournal.com]

The tears just will not stop coming.

I still think she screwed us-- if Spike and Angel had a daughter, the least she could do is give us schmoopy S/A mpreg.

[regala-electra.livejournal.com]

Dude, she wouldn't get away with that online. Bwah, ha ha, I'm freaking DYING over here.

[sdwolfpup.livejournal.com]

Mmmmm...cheesy goodness.

[blue-larkspur.livejournal.com]

...speculates that the flames are baking her cookie dough.

No way. You must be joking. This is awful. Wow. And she got paid for it.

[darkviola.livejournal.com]

And the sadest thing is? Her and Christopher Golden (Who's the best BtVS tie writer out there) write together a lot.

[doyle_sb4.livejournal.com]

They're married, aren't they?

[raskazzptitsa.livejournal.com]

I...just...should not have been drinking while reading this. I always thought that whole "I have to go clean a beverage off my moniter now!" stuff was, like, hyperbole or something. I didn't think these things actually happened!

But oh, my, I am torn between cackling with evil glee and the need to crawl into a corner and rock back and forth screaming "It buuuuuuuurnssssssss!"

[skipp-of-ark.livejournal.com]

It's like the best bad fanfic ever, and it's available in paperback for me to love and cherish forever. Seriously, this has everything. It says Buffy, Angel and Spike are 'soulmates'. Seconds away from a fiery death after a bus crash, Buffy is glad to be dying because she'll see Spike again, and speculates that the flames are baking her cookie dough. The very last scene has Buffy pregnant with Spike and Angel's mystical baby. Oh, and I think I spotted Willow getting back together with Oz on my skim-through, as well as Andrew/Immortal subtext, but that's all incidental to the magic Mary Sue baby of canon OT3ness.

Dare I hope that, for their own good, she continues the show's example of ignoring Xander, Giles, and Dawn? Oh, wait. I heard that Xander actually gets a plot, except that he's mostly treated as a buttmonkey again. (I'll bet there's some passage somewhere that says that, at the ripe age of 22 or 23, Xander will never have a love life again because both Anya and Cordelia are dead and they're the only options he was ever going to have.)

[thesecondevil]

Seriously? I mean... wow, just wow. I might have to go back on my plan not to buy any more TV tie-ins, because pro-fic magic threesome baby? Has to be seen to be believed.

[cesario.livejournal.com]

Ahahahah, I just bought the RotS novelization today. It is totally about Anakin choosing between the two great loves of his life: Palpatine and Obi-Wan. Oh, and that girl Padme, who is basically a fuckable version of Shmi.

I am enjoying the high holy hell out of it. *goes back to reading*

[fox1013.livejournal.com]

Dammit! Now I need to go to the bookstore tomorrow.

Way to be a bad influence!

[firstgold.livejournal.com]

Oh. My. Gosh.

*dies*

That is absolutely cracktastic, and I'm dying inside a little bit right now. Thank you SO much for that. I must track this book down at the library.

Even better is the reviews at amazon.com of the book. You serious must check them out!

[lynnenne]

Must. bleach. brain.

[minim_calibre]

hold me