(no subject)

[doyle]

From the rant meme:

stumbelina wanted me to rant aboutITV and the badness of Saturday Night TV:

My first instinct, of course, was "But what about Ant and Dec's magnificent Saturday Night Takeaway?!" Then I remembered that it's only on a couple of months of the year, and I was filled with rage.

I don't even know what's on ITV on a Saturday night, besides Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. That in itself should tell the TV bosses something: look, I spend weekends at my parents' house. They've got a twenty-two year old geek stuck in a tiny village with absolutely nothing else to do on a Saturday night, and I *still* have no clue what's on ITV because I glance over the listings, go "boring, boring boring" and go to look at porn on the internet instead.

Wait a second, I'll go and get a TV guide...

Ah, yes. You've Been Framed. I remember this show from when I was a kid and, you know? Still much the same clips. Someone falls off a bike/swing/chair (it will get an even bigger laugh if the person is very old, very young, or the fall looks sufficient to cause actual harm). A dog/cat/squirrel chases its own tail/opens a door/bats at a mirror. Someone opens a door too fast and hits someone in the face/causes someone to drop a cake. That's basically it, repeated for half an hour. And people get paid £250 per clip, which is why so many of them are obviously staged - there's a whole cottage industry somewhere in Milton Keynes of a man with a camcorder pushing kids off swings, throwing birthday cakes at people and training a posse of photogenic animals to do medicore tricks. He makes a good living from it too, I'll bet, and this makes me sad.

circe_tigana wanted LJ and Timezones:

Listen, American-type people, what's up with it being midnight here when it's only evening or afternoon there? I'm asleep during the most active time, and forget being able to participate in chats.

I know everybody's prepared to be sensible about this, so I propose we move away from this current unworkable system to a more Doyle-centric one. Okay, if you could just gather together all your clocks and watches and set them to GMT. Or is it British Summer Time? No, can't be it's still winter... It might take a little bit of adjusting, since some of you will be walking home in the sunshine at twelve midnight, but since you're all going to be in suspended animation any time I'm not online, that shouldn't be a problem.

I may have inadvertently revealed phase two of my plan.

glossing wanted male prostitution in fic, fractals or wolfdick.

Male prostitution in fic falls down on accuracy. Seriously. Blackadder taught me all I need to know about rent-boying: to quote Mr. S Baldrick, you go down the docks, "Just stick a pink carnation in your hat and, er, make the old sign." (The sign in question is one that says "get it here", natch) I'm aware that fic in modern context may not make full use of these historical details, so I can forgive overlooking the carnation, but the sign? What about the sign?

And don't get me started on wolfdick. Oz gets a hell of a lot of action in wolf form (I'd hazard a guess that Remus Lupin does, too). Where is the love for the Nina-wolf? Why is she not allowed badly-written porn?

(Fractals are too beautiful for me to rant about. I tried *cries*)

Two other requests, on shipper insularity and overlooked minor characters, to be in a separate post once I've sorted out thoughts on them, since they seem to be dovetailing into an actual rant on character bashing.

Anybody else want to request one? Or a rave, since I'm as happy to bang on about something I love, too?

Comments

[kattahj.livejournal.com]

(I'd hazard a guess that Remus Lupin does, too)

Remus gets to switch, even. Sometimes he's a wolf, sometimes Sirius is a dog, sometimes they're both in animal forms. All of the above make me want to bleach my brain to get rid of the visuals.

[captainlucy.livejournal.com]

Argh! My brain husrts now!