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Apr. 18th, 2005 12:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
doyleFlipping through the special features on Dalek Invasion of Earth - one of the First Doctor stories - I chanced upon an old Blue Peter feature. Innocent of the horrors that awaited me, I watched. Ten minutes after it ended, when I was at least able to breathe through the tears of laughter, I decided it had to be screencapped.
These, for anyone not au fait with such things, are the Doctor's enemy, Daleks. They wobble about, waving their sink-plunger arms and being very menacing, and scaring ickle children into hiding behind the sofa.
And this is Valerie Singleton (I think so, anyway, this was long before my time) who used to host the children's show Blue Peter. Surely this is a match made in heaven! No, what's the other one... hell.
Valerie has a strange obsession. Some people are fannish about test cards. Others get sexual pleasure from watching barefoot girls push cars that are stuck in muddy fields. Valerie gets her jollies making food shaped like Daleks. Look at her culinary invasion force.
Check out the fine craftmanship on cake!Dalek.
Yes, this one is made of sandwiches. It is a bread Dalek.
But since Valerie has to work herself up to this level of horror, she begins with something relatively ordinary: a Dalek made from a Swiss Roll. You know, the way she's holding that cake looks almost phallic... nah, must be coincidence. Or is it?
It's already starting to take shape. I look at the cylinder bit and the triangle bit and it screams "exterminate".
I choose to assume this is a thick layer of chocolate she's spreading over the Dalek cake.
Okay, there are just no words.
...
Well, there are some, since I guess this could be more horrific if it was ribbed for her pleas... oh.
Children all over the country eagerly watch for details of how they decorate their own Frankenpenis.
With Smartie studs!
And here's one she made earlier. This one looks quite cute and not nearly as penis-shaped. I cry foul. She didn't make that herself. I bet she couldn't even knock up a quick model of Tracey Island, no matter how much double-sided sticky tape she had.
Having gained some confidence, she can progress to stage 2 - sandwich Daleks.
My mother would have a fit if she could see how much of the sandwich gets thrown away. Note that Ms. Singleton never specifies what's in the sandwich, and I didn't see the Blue Peter dog at any point in this clip.
Some shortbread and cocktail sticks later it looks... like a pile of circular sandwiches with some shortbread on top and a cocktail stick in it.
This is the saddest-looking little Dalek I've ever seen. I can picture the cherubic 1960s six-year-old looking up at its sandwich-making parent, innocence destroyed forever as it tearfully asks, "Mummy - what the fuck are you doing to my lunch?"
As is often the case, the simplest ways are the best. This is a walnut whip with a marshmallow on top. It's quick to make, it looks delicious, and if the shops hadn't been shut Kevin and I would have been dashing off to buy the ingredients instead of making this little story. Mmm, cream-filled Dalek goodness.
Her lust for Doctor Who themed foods sated - at least for now - she uses her siren-like powers to lure in some poor sap. "Join the feast," she says. "You haven't really tasted sandwiches until you've tasted Dalek sandwiches." He's smiling, but he's dead inside. And possibly nude from the waist down.
*watches it again*
These, for anyone not au fait with such things, are the Doctor's enemy, Daleks. They wobble about, waving their sink-plunger arms and being very menacing, and scaring ickle children into hiding behind the sofa.
And this is Valerie Singleton (I think so, anyway, this was long before my time) who used to host the children's show Blue Peter. Surely this is a match made in heaven! No, what's the other one... hell.
Valerie has a strange obsession. Some people are fannish about test cards. Others get sexual pleasure from watching barefoot girls push cars that are stuck in muddy fields. Valerie gets her jollies making food shaped like Daleks. Look at her culinary invasion force.
Check out the fine craftmanship on cake!Dalek.
Yes, this one is made of sandwiches. It is a bread Dalek.
But since Valerie has to work herself up to this level of horror, she begins with something relatively ordinary: a Dalek made from a Swiss Roll. You know, the way she's holding that cake looks almost phallic... nah, must be coincidence. Or is it?
It's already starting to take shape. I look at the cylinder bit and the triangle bit and it screams "exterminate".
I choose to assume this is a thick layer of chocolate she's spreading over the Dalek cake.
Okay, there are just no words.
...
Well, there are some, since I guess this could be more horrific if it was ribbed for her pleas... oh.
Children all over the country eagerly watch for details of how they decorate their own Frankenpenis.
With Smartie studs!
And here's one she made earlier. This one looks quite cute and not nearly as penis-shaped. I cry foul. She didn't make that herself. I bet she couldn't even knock up a quick model of Tracey Island, no matter how much double-sided sticky tape she had.
Having gained some confidence, she can progress to stage 2 - sandwich Daleks.
My mother would have a fit if she could see how much of the sandwich gets thrown away. Note that Ms. Singleton never specifies what's in the sandwich, and I didn't see the Blue Peter dog at any point in this clip.
Some shortbread and cocktail sticks later it looks... like a pile of circular sandwiches with some shortbread on top and a cocktail stick in it.
This is the saddest-looking little Dalek I've ever seen. I can picture the cherubic 1960s six-year-old looking up at its sandwich-making parent, innocence destroyed forever as it tearfully asks, "Mummy - what the fuck are you doing to my lunch?"
As is often the case, the simplest ways are the best. This is a walnut whip with a marshmallow on top. It's quick to make, it looks delicious, and if the shops hadn't been shut Kevin and I would have been dashing off to buy the ingredients instead of making this little story. Mmm, cream-filled Dalek goodness.
Her lust for Doctor Who themed foods sated - at least for now - she uses her siren-like powers to lure in some poor sap. "Join the feast," she says. "You haven't really tasted sandwiches until you've tasted Dalek sandwiches." He's smiling, but he's dead inside. And possibly nude from the waist down.
*watches it again*
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no subject
on 2005-04-17 11:46 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2005-04-17 11:52 pm (UTC)