(no subject)

[doyle]

Flipping through the special features on Dalek Invasion of Earth - one of the First Doctor stories - I chanced upon an old Blue Peter feature. Innocent of the horrors that awaited me, I watched. Ten minutes after it ended, when I was at least able to breathe through the tears of laughter, I decided it had to be screencapped.




These, for anyone not au fait with such things, are the Doctor's enemy, Daleks. They wobble about, waving their sink-plunger arms and being very menacing, and scaring ickle children into hiding behind the sofa.



And this is Valerie Singleton (I think so, anyway, this was long before my time) who used to host the children's show Blue Peter. Surely this is a match made in heaven! No, what's the other one... hell.



Valerie has a strange obsession. Some people are fannish about test cards. Others get sexual pleasure from watching barefoot girls push cars that are stuck in muddy fields. Valerie gets her jollies making food shaped like Daleks. Look at her culinary invasion force.



Check out the fine craftmanship on cake!Dalek.



Yes, this one is made of sandwiches. It is a bread Dalek.



But since Valerie has to work herself up to this level of horror, she begins with something relatively ordinary: a Dalek made from a Swiss Roll. You know, the way she's holding that cake looks almost phallic... nah, must be coincidence. Or is it?



It's already starting to take shape. I look at the cylinder bit and the triangle bit and it screams "exterminate".



I choose to assume this is a thick layer of chocolate she's spreading over the Dalek cake.



Okay, there are just no words.



...

Well, there are some, since I guess this could be more horrific if it was ribbed for her pleas... oh.



Children all over the country eagerly watch for details of how they decorate their own Frankenpenis.



With Smartie studs!



And here's one she made earlier. This one looks quite cute and not nearly as penis-shaped. I cry foul. She didn't make that herself. I bet she couldn't even knock up a quick model of Tracey Island, no matter how much double-sided sticky tape she had.



Having gained some confidence, she can progress to stage 2 - sandwich Daleks.



My mother would have a fit if she could see how much of the sandwich gets thrown away. Note that Ms. Singleton never specifies what's in the sandwich, and I didn't see the Blue Peter dog at any point in this clip.



Some shortbread and cocktail sticks later it looks... like a pile of circular sandwiches with some shortbread on top and a cocktail stick in it.



This is the saddest-looking little Dalek I've ever seen. I can picture the cherubic 1960s six-year-old looking up at its sandwich-making parent, innocence destroyed forever as it tearfully asks, "Mummy - what the fuck are you doing to my lunch?"



As is often the case, the simplest ways are the best. This is a walnut whip with a marshmallow on top. It's quick to make, it looks delicious, and if the shops hadn't been shut Kevin and I would have been dashing off to buy the ingredients instead of making this little story. Mmm, cream-filled Dalek goodness.



Her lust for Doctor Who themed foods sated - at least for now - she uses her siren-like powers to lure in some poor sap. "Join the feast," she says. "You haven't really tasted sandwiches until you've tasted Dalek sandwiches." He's smiling, but he's dead inside. And possibly nude from the waist down.



*watches it again*

Comments

[manynames.livejournal.com]

Oh my god... I don't know whether to cry, laugh or both!

[maryavatar.livejournal.com]

Oh God. *dies*

Can I post a link to this in metaquotes?

[doyle_sb4.livejournal.com]

Please do!

[gypsyjr.livejournal.com]

*dies*

(... do you have to yell "EXTERMINATE!" as you eat them? XD)

[doyle_sb4.livejournal.com]

If you don't, they will shoot their way through your stomach.

That's scientific fact.

[nightchik.livejournal.com]

That's a the cake I want for my birthday.

[wtfbrain.livejournal.com]

DUDE! Me too! *makes plans for next year*

[davechicken.livejournal.com]

OHMYGOD. Seriously. Just. *death*

[zandra-x.livejournal.com]

Frankenpenis needs to be made into an icon. ::eyes tearing up with laughter::

[hugh-mannity.livejournal.com]

That is indeed Valerie Singleton.

And the Daleks were very scary to us innocent babes back then. After all we had not had our senses toughened up by exposure to Barney or the Teletubbies.

The proper posture for watching Dr. Who is sitting on the couch with your feet up -- that way the Daleks can't get you. If it gets really scary, put your hands over your face and peek out between your fingers (they can't see that you're watching that way).

[helygen.livejournal.com]

Very true! I used to watch from behind a cushion, or the settee, especially when the daleks were on screen. My younger sister - clearly much tougher than me - used to shout the all-clear and fall about laughing at my blanched face if the monsters were still there.
Traumatised, I tell ya.

[akiyasan.livejournal.com]

Here from metaquotes.

Am I the only one that started humming the tune to "Close Encounters of the Third Kind"?

[yinepuhotep.livejournal.com]

Mashed potatoes!

[alicamel.livejournal.com]

I think these are tears of laughter. But I could be wrong. *grins*

You are brill.

[lm.livejournal.com]

I love you.

[owl]

*is ded from Daleks*

[distractogirl.livejournal.com]

Here from metaquotes. My sides hurt from the funneh. Thank you, you made my night.

[gwynnega]

Oh god.

[julissak01.livejournal.com]

OMFG.

::injures herself due to a hysterical laughing fit::

[the-royal-anna.livejournal.com]

::dies::

[11nine73.livejournal.com]

*is hysterical*

OMG you made an icon as well (just realised that).
Oh this is so funny. Not quite on a par of the Nekkid Chris pics, but it comes close.

Who said Doctor Who wasn't about sex? I demand them look at this and repeat that theory!!

*tears of glee*

[dodyskin.livejournal.com]

I heart you so tremendously much omg.

[rolleson.livejournal.com]

Too. Much. For. My. Poor. Brain. To. Take.

*dies*

[paratti.livejournal.com]

Snerk.

[nymphgalatea.livejournal.com]

Did you notice that Saturdays episode of Dr. Who actually mocked Blue Peter itself? After the alien ship crashes the Doctor is flipping through the channels and comes across a Blue Peter presenter making a bright green alien cake ship. It was green and it had Smarties on.

Didn't look much better than the ones above.

[peacockharpy.livejournal.com]

I saw that, and I'd seen this (we have the DVD in question) and I thought "hey! shout-out!"

I love it when they're all self-referential and mockity.

[captainlucy.livejournal.com]

ROTFLMAOAKMLITA!!! Seriously. Major lunch/screen interface malfunction! :D

Possibly one of the funniest things I've seen since "Inside Victor Lewis-Smith (http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/guide/articles/i/insidevictorlewi_66602200.shtml)"! (Which oddly enough co-starred Annette Badland, [Margaret Blaine (MI5 lady) in 'Aliens of London'])

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

I love you so much for this--

and I haven't even seen the damn show, not back when, not now.

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

Haha! I've seen that, it's so pathetic XD
xx

[flurblewig.livejournal.com]

::boggles::

Oh. My. God.

::dies::

[bexless.livejournal.com]

Yeah...I may actually be dead from the laughing. <333