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Dorothy Marley: The Seven Deadly Fanons of Characterization
I did find the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for deliberately bad openings to stories. I don't think any of them can top this sentence by Danielle Steel: She wore a dress the same color as her eyes her father brought her from San Francisco.
Now, that's just *poetry*.
Another eta, but this one's too good: I found an online copy of Clive James's A Blizzard of Tiny Kisses, a review of the bestselling trashy romance novel Princess Daisy. I've bought two anthologies of essays because they had this one. It's almost as funny as the writing in the novel itself.
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I am AWED.
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So, her father bought her eyes from San Francisco? Very considerate. If people keep paying for her books, they deserve what they’ve got. /end being evil.
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That's beautiful, that is.
...so, did he leave his heart in exchange for the eyes?
For scariness in a different vein but still more flowery than a fresh gravesite, see the very last paragraph of the Worst 'Classic' Book Ever, Theodore Dreiser's Sister Carrie.
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